The Evolution of Birthday Parties

How celebrations from our childhoods are a far cry from how our kids celebrate today

I grew up in a small town in the north of India in the late 80s and 90s when music cassettes and CDs were all the rage and the TV show FRIENDS was an obsession. When my most prized possession was a pair of embroidered denim bell bottoms and the Babysitters Club books were a cult among school girls while GI Joes were being deftly hoarded (and dismembered) by young school going boys.

It was also a time when every birthday party was organised at home. Most from our generation who grew up in similar small towns lived in large palatial bungalows with sprawling patios, verandahs and lawns. Space and greenery were blessings we were lucky to be endowed with. Musical chairs, passing the parcel games and musical dance-offs were par for the course at birthday parties of that era.

(Image Source - Berkscountyliving.com)

My masi (mother’s younger sister) was a prolific baker and baked all our customised birthday party cakes. It constantly amazed me how indefatigable she was when it came to birthday cakes - there was always a huge, fully iced rocket ship, or car or plane, or princess or some other such impressive creation in colorful icing matching our interests at the time. All the party food was made and assembled at home. It was an example of and testament to a time when the women in generations before us harboured innate grit, determination and willpower to do it all themselves in spite of birthing multiple children. A stark contrast to planning birthday parties today, especially living outside of India as expats when outsourcing everything is the norm and dishing out big sums for renting out soft play spaces that cater to all your needs from decorations, party food, cutlery and even party return bags in many cases feels like a good time and effort saving investment.

That is not to say that many don’t do it all today too. But they are undeniably few and far between. And have my utmost respect and admiration.

Party return bags or party favors as they are also called have been victim to competitive evolution over the last few decades. When we grew up, party favors were nothing more than a pencil, eraser, ruler, and two or three toffees at best. Or a small chocolate. Inside a nondescript little shiny paper or plastic bag. The winner of a party game would almost always be the proud recipient of a Five star chocolate bar or some Nutties - my most favorite of all candies that were all the rage well into the late 90s and beyond. Not so easily available any more, I cant mask the glee when someone offers me a Nutties box even today or manages to sneak a spare box in for me.

With easily available streamers, balloons and party decoration from markets during that time that weren’t burning holes in any pockets, the whole birthday party affair was always a family occasion - easier to plan and execute with multiple hands on deck to help out and minimal costs.

A majority of today’s youth isn’t still living in these palatial houses of their past and have moved out to condos, apartment blocks both within their countries or abroad. The joint family concept has somewhat faded giving way to nuclear families living away on their own and learning to wean themselves from the comforts of daily familial help, inevitably also discovering that help can come from the communities of friends formed within the fray of commonalities in the new setups of their new lives.

Outsourcing becomes a core necessity for many living away from home. Even a majority of those still living in spacious landed houses have started to outsource the birthday party to either professional party planners or booking out slots in amusement and theme parks, soft play spaces or party rooms. And obviously, the wallets are feeling the pinch a hell of a lot more. It results from a combination of lack of consistent help and the privilege kids today have to belong to families that can afford the extravagance as well as rising to the pressures of providing your child with the same experiences in the absence of family to help out with alternate arrangements, in the case of expats especially.

Not to mention the need to avoid additional exhaustion and effort from doing it all from scratch when multiple options exist today to be able to pay and have it all done for you. Those who can afford it (and with multiple children to care for single-handedly) will not think twice.

My son just turned six over the weekend gone by. He and his friend were adamant about a combined birthday party in a trampoline park followed by a pizza-making experience. It turned out to be a great party, a successful outcome of all the exhausting running around that went into organising it. But there is no denying that kids today living this life are privileged to be able to dictate what they want, where they want it and how they want it and as parents wanting to fulfill their wishes, we comply. The boys even wanted a say in what the party favors should contain (Pokemon cards and Oreo cookies are in demand these days). Birthday cakes too have to be decided based on what the child fancies. While our parents gauged our interests too, I don’t remember being asked what kind of cake I wanted or being that involved in the nitty-gritties of the party planning process. Or even being asked what I wanted to wear to my own party. I was told what to wear and how to tie up my hair and it was done.

Not today. Minds change faster today than a change of t-shirts on football days. Spoilt for choice is an understated way of life for these kids today.

I once attended a party where the party favors contained Godiva chocolates and coupons to an exorbitantly priced toy shop.

A far cry from our Five star and eraser-pencil, Nutties days. While we continue to do the best for our children, still find the pencils and erasers to fit into those little bags and frantically order the next customised cake, glaringly aware of the inability to do what my family did all those years ago, the fatigue of expat living kicks in and I am constantly reminded of how times have changed and we need to ride the wave too.

Ironic song choice but in the words of the great Bryan Adams (whose music cassettes were my go-to on the ride to school every day)-

“Those were the best days of my life!”